Nerd Porn(ography)! Boobs, Guns, Sleep

I’m not sure if you know this, but Boobs, Guns and Sleep was the name of my punk band in high school.

(“I think you’re lying,” you might say. “Well, I’m not not lying,” I would respond.)

Before the jump, let me give you the gist of this article: Boobs are more prominent in Dead or Alive 5 and it’s your fault, you’re dumb for thinking that Splinter Cell: Blacklist looks bad, and marathoning the Resident Evil games will tucker you out.

Dead Or Alive 5: The Boobening (Pic Above)

Tecmo’s overseas offices let the developers know that they should tone down the boobage and sexuality of fighting game Dead Or Alive 5. The guys at Team Ninja went, “nah, we’re good,” and when asked for feedback, the director made it clear that it was gamer feedback that dictated what went into the game.

Director Yohei Shimbori, who would probably jump off a bridge if his friends did so, said, “We actually got a lot of feedback” with gamers demanding “‘more breasts.’ That was kind of surprising.”

…okay. So. A couple of things.

1. That is not surprising and you are lying.
2. Listening to 13-17 year old gamers when it comes to developing your game is probably not the most responsible thing you could do.

So, anyway, prepare for more bouncing… uh, combatants (yeah, let’s just say “combatants”) in Dead Or Alive 5, or the backlash to the rampant oversexualization of game characters, of an unattainable female figure, or a backlash to the backlash on 4chan and Reddit, or… I don’t know.

Splinter Cell: Blacklist Totally Doesn’t Look Bad And You Are Dumb For Thinking It Does

So, the trailer for Splinter Cell: Blacklist dropped, and the feedback was… well, not really positive.

As it stands at the time of this post, the official North American trailer released above has 1,441 likes, 1,051 dislikes – not exactly universal acclaim. The top rated comment (we looked so you don’t have to) was “The evil guy at the beginning sounds more like Sam Fisher than Sam Fisher does.”

And, indeed, Michael Ironside is not in this game, which, yeah, that’s a definite loss. But they’re trying to make Sam Fisher younger, so Ironside’s voice wouldn’t work. Sure. Plus, he’s probably expensive. And the tone of the game definitely indicates they took a page from the TV series 24. In fact, if you look closely, one of the characters early in the trailer is, indeed, an actor from the series (he played Mary Lynn Rajskub’s ex-husband).

Also, the POTUS looks a lot like Cherry Jones, who played the president in 24 in its later seasons. Can’t tell if it’s actually her. Really, the trailer looks like The Adventures of Young Jack Bauer.

After all the explosions, drone strikes and Dukes Of Hazzard car-jumping, the fans looked at it and went, “Uh… no.”

The director, David Footman, responded that the reaction to the trailer was “kneejerk” and “uninformed,” which is exactly what you should say to your fans when they’re less-than-thrilled about your upcoming product.

Ubisoft’s been having problems with their marketing lately, as earlier the trailer for Assassin’s Creed III  was met with annoyance at its over-the-top American patriotism. Granted, it’s set during the American Revolution, so it’s not like you should be avoiding that.

But if you’re showing a trailer for a stealth game and it has more explosions than stealth? Yeah, people might get the wrong impression.

Dude Falls Asleep During Resident Evil Marathon

So, this happened.

First off: I’m a huge Resident Evil fan. How huge? I wrote fan fiction. In the style of Tom Clancy. Okay, I’m not proud of it, but it happened all the same.

So a guy was going on a 72 hour marathon of playing all the Resident Evil games in the story’s chronological order (yeah, because the story is so tightly written), and live-streamed both the screen and himself, for some reason.

He left the stream on, fell asleep, and then, well, woke up, rubbed his eyes, and went to bed with the stream still on.

He got pretty far. I’d be impressed, if this was a thing that I would be impressed over. It’s a lot of dedication to an entirely useless thing.

UPDATE: The dude in question, OddlerPro (we confirmed it was him) posted a comment to our video saying this:

“I was the guy that fell asleep on cast…and when I walked off to go to bed…I was actually SLEEP WALKING. The plot indeed thickens!”

So yeah, there’s that.

Here’s Meg and Steve (clip of OddlerPro sleepwalking WITHIN):

Question, Nerd Boners: What do you think this guy’s dreaming about?