Happiness Is Dead: Jurassic Park Not Possible

Posted on Oct 11 2012 - 1:59pm by Logan Rapp

Stupid science. Stupid, stupid science.

Palaeogeneticists from the universities of Perth and Copenhagen have concluded in a study that dinosaur fossils — and any DNA within — are far too old to be cloned.

This is absolutely unacceptable.

The so-called scientists have estimated that the half-life of DNA to be approximately 521 years. Dinosaurs died out around 65 million years ago, and had appeared around 230 million years ago. By contrast, uranium-235, which is used in nuclear power plants and bombs, has a half-life of about 703.8 million years.

That means their DNA has been decaying for way too long, and it’s now impossible to clone them, which is total bullshit and I refuse to accept this.

(Young earth! Dinosaurs are only 6,000 years old! I want a Triceratops.)

The scientists made the conclusion after drilling into the bones of about 158 different moa, a flightless bird that got totally wiped out when humans arrived in New Zealand.

If it’s any consolation (it’s not), the woolly mammoth is still viable. A mammoth was recently found in the melting permafrost completely preserved in ice. It’s thought we’ll be able to create a viable embryo that we can have an elephant bring to term.

Man, that elephant is going to be really confused when that mammoth gets born.

Question: Is wonder dead? Have we killed childhood? I want a damn dinosaur!