I’m afraid of spiders. I see one and I immediately stomp on it. I do. I’m sorry, PETA, but if you want to blame someone, don’t blame me. My fear of spiders stems directly from Home Alone. And Arachnophobia.
So I’m gonna have a hard time with this story: The discovery of an endangered spider has stalled a $15.1 Million highway construction project in northwestern San Antonio.
The spider, known as the Braken Bat Cave Meshweaver (or, in my words: “GAAAAAAH”) is an eyeless arachnid (AAAAH) that is called as such because of its distinct webbing pattern (UGGGUGHGHH).
It was found in the middle of the construction project after a downpour of rain revealed a six-foot spider hole. Biologists who were working on the project for this very reason dissected a specimen and realized that this was, indeed, the species that had been put on the endangered list in 2000 and hadn’t actually been seen in decades.
The construction project was meant to create an underpass that links the state highway 151 to Alamo Ranch Parkway. Right now, that crossing is kind of a mess. I know this because my parents live there and to get anywhere in San Antonio from their place we have to go through this chaos.
And now that I’ve done this post, I’m sure I’m going to get phone calls about environmentalists gone wild. And then I’ll say something like, “extinct is forever, Mom” and then we just spout off buzzwords until we’re done and start talking about fantasy football, like a real family.
John Goodman was funny in Arachnophobia, but seeing him covered in spiders haunts my memories to this day.
Question, Webheads: Are spiders the worst thing on the planet, or the worst thing in the universe?