Yup. A dude dressed as Mario groped some ladies while out at NYC’s Times Square. So we’re going to reveal the secret pasts of other Nintendo characters.
So, Damon Torres is a mid-thirties street performer who busks out at Times Square. Well, when he got all Mario’d out, he apparently was feeling a little frisky, and started getting all up on the women around there. Apparently he grabbed a fifty-eight year old woman’s thighs, or, as a security guard says, “touched her private parts.” He was arrested and charged with forcible touching and marijuana possession. Let me just note a few other Nintendo characters with a shady past.
Luigi
You know that pot possession charge? Well, Luigi deals.
See? He’s the reason why neither of them can go to California ever again.
Samus
She’s had a hard life. A hard life full of killing evil. There’s only one way for her to cope, and that is through rampant alcoholism.
Wario
What about Wario? He’s a straight up child molester. Seriously, just look at him. Anything about that doesn’t shout “I diddle kids” to you?
All right, we’re pretty much done here. Question: Which Nintendo star do you think is a full on degenerate?
